NSA finds apocalyptic messages in call patterns

bible code fanatics, sit down!

computer analysis of domestic cell phone calling patterns has revealed that both bush victories, 9/11, and the iraq war could have been predicted by essentially the same method that uses the letters of the 5 books of moses to obtain the names of jesus' apostles.

it's actually more sophisticated, in fact, because numbers must first be converted to letters, and sometimes 2 calls made at the same time have to be interchanged.

analysts say the newly-named "bell code" agrees with the "bible code" in predicting some sort of nuclear disaster this year ["dcider will nickname self then b4 newly conceived embryo becomes child we will sock u we will rock u we will nuke u 2"] and that al gore will be the next president.

one difference is that nearly all the bell code "messages" appear as first person sentences instead of disjointed words and phrases, leading to speculation that they are the actual voice of the almighty, bbhn*.

for example, one "message" says "of course we wanted gwb 2 win 2 teach u lesson."

one cryptic message that still remains partly untranslated is "in ur heart u know 369 equals 666."

* blessed be his/her name