cop beat

every time cops get videoed brutalizing somebody, questions get asked for a news cycle or three, then we all forget about it till it happens again.

you know what questions i mean. race questions mostly, but also how-to-prevent-it questions once in a while.

maybe they always drop the issue after a few days because nobody ever comes up with a useful answer.

so here's a couple [society now owes me 2¢ each]:

• the solution to the racism question is to root out racial phobias, which i suspect are related to xenophobia.

it might take a while to force psychotherapy down millions of americans' throats, so i suggest doing it thru media. get some shrinks together with some copy writers and produce a series of public service announcements. mix humor with information and common sense. put things in perspective for phobes. treat 'em like adults.

for example, show a soccerball with a voiceover saying "this is your brain." then put an arrow thru it so it deflates and say "this is your brain on racism. get over it."

i know it's derivative, but you've got to admit a soccerball looks a hell of a lot more like a brain than an egg does, but a soccerball in a frying pan makes no sense at all.

here's another: show a healthy dog instead of a ball. DON'T SHOOT THE DOG! bandage up one of its forelegs so it hobbles around on 3 legs. use the same voiceover as above.

another possibility is to substitute "country" for "brain." racism has harmed this country to an extent the most fanatical anti-american drug fiend can't even begin to contemplate.

• now for a remedy just for cops:

i'm not going to say forget about sensitivity training. for all i know it does some good. but what we need is a simple, easy-to-follow universal rule that can be drummed into cops heads by repeating it to them once a day just before they hit the streets.

it has to be stronger than "be careful out there" and more specific than "protect and serve." ideally it should be law, and the biggest law is the constitution, which all cops have sworn to uphold.

we don't need to amend it. the answer's already there: the equal protection clause of the 14th amendment.

at the end of roll call, just before cops leave the ready room, the sarge says: "it can get rough out there in the land of the free, but remember, the supreme law of the land says we owe everybody the equal protection of the laws."

ok, it don't have to be that hokey, but you get it?