really behind here. on may 17 i read 3 poems in the bombay room at the chestnut hill hotel. in order they were FILL 'N TH BLANKS, OUR/NATION ALL & THEM/OFF-KEY, and TRADITIONL FAMLY VALUES. since i've posted them before this, you can read them here and here, along with a free bonus.

Conservative Political Spectrum

What Type of Conservative Are You?

If you've taken the Conservative Identity Quiz, this list of Conservative Breeds will help you see how you compare to other conservatives.

• Flag-Waving Everymen, also known as patriots— believe in championing liberty over tyranny, apple pie over sushi, and that God gave us a two-day weekend so we could enjoy football and NASCAR.

• Free Marketeers, also known as a fiscal conservative—believe in free-market capitalism, tax cuts, and protecting your hard-earned cash from pick-pocketing liberal socialists.

• Faith-Based Fighters, also known as religious conservatives— believe in Judeo-Christian values, restoring God's rightful place in the public square, and in showing all the unwashed and unsaved liberal sinners the path to salvation, or at least to the GOP.

• Values Guardians, also known as cultural conservatives—believe in protecting the American way of life and fighting a culture war against liberal moonbats and the lapdogs in the lamestream media who are out to destroy decent, moral Americans like Sarah Palin for daring to defend traditional values.

• Anti-government Gunslingers, also known as libertarian conservatives or Tea Partiers—believe in smaller government, states' rights, gun rights, and that, as Reagan once said, "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"

• Freedom Crusaders, also known as neoconservatives—believe in taking the fight directly to the enemy, whether it's terrorists abroad or the liberal terrorist appeasers at home who give them aid and comfort.

Liberal Political Spectrum

What Type of Liberal Are You?

If you've taken the Liberal Identity Quiz, this list of Liberal Breeds will help you see how you compare to other liberals.

• Eco-Avengers, also known as environmentalists or tree huggers—believe in saving the planet from the clutches of air-fouling, oil-drilling, earth-raping conservative fossil fools.

• Social Justice Crusaders, also known as rights activists—believe in equality, fairness, and preventing neo-Confederate conservative troglodytes from rolling back fifty years of civil rights gains.

• Peace Patrollers, also known as anti-war liberals or neo-hippies—believe in putting an end to American imperial conquest, stopping wars that have already been lost, and supporting our troops by bringing them home.

• Working Class Warriors, also known as blue-collar Democrats—believe that the little guy is getting screwed by conservative greed-mongers and corporate criminals, and you’re not going to take it anymore.

• Reality-Based Intellectualists, also known as the liberal elite—are proud members of what’s known as the reality-based community, where science, reason, and non-Jesus-centric thought reign supreme.

• New Left Hipsters, also known as MoveOn.org liberals, Netroots activists, or Daily Show fanatics—believe that if we really want to defend American values, conservative hatriots must be exposed and mocked for every fanatical, puritanical, paranoid, fact-allergic, reality-challenged, obstructionist ideal for which they stand.

borowitz

February 28, 2012

Santorum Proposes Replacing Church, State with New Entity Called ‘Sturch’

Would Offer Salvation, Motor Vehicle Renewals on Sunday

February 27, 2012

Poll: Given Choice Between Romney and Santorum, Most Voters Choose Suicide

Survey Spells Trouble for GOP, Pollster Says

February 24, 2012

Santorum Makes Campaign Swing Through Seventeenth Century

Blasts Contraception, Electricity, Soap 

wapo
justice, justice everywhere
& not a drop to drink

Racy, vulgar texts

hurt Justice Department’s largest sting operation

targeting foreign bribery

Congress looks for ways around Supreme Court

Supreme Court justices are being served

on late-night television

can you blame them?

borowitz

Gay Tiger Attacks Santorum

Animal 'Taunted' by Bestiality Remarks

we can laugh now. i just hope this sweet mirth won't turn bitter in our bellies...

borowitz

In Confident Sign, Gingrich Changes Facebook Status to ‘In an Open Relationship’

Newt to America: ‘Join Me. Join Me in My Marriage’

CHARLESTON, SC (The Borowitz Report) – In a sign of renewed confidence, just minutes after former House Speaker Newt Gingrich romped to victory in the South Carolina primary he changed his Facebook status to “In an Open Relationship.”

Mr. Gingrich made no reference to his new Facebook status during his victory speech, in which he made an emotional appeal to the American people: “I say to each and every one of you: Join me.  Join me in my marriage.”

The former House Speaker used the speech to highlight the differences between himself and the current resident of the White House: “The American people have a choice: do they want a President who issues food stamps, or one who runs up a $500,000 tab at Tiffany?”

Mr. Gingrich drew cheers and a standing ovation as he concluded his remarks, saying, “In closing, I am staying at the Marriott, Rm. 205. Ladies?”

In yet another boost, Mr. Gingrich received this nod from former rival Herman Cain: “I am not endorsing Newt Gingrich, but I am endorsing Newt Gingrich’s lifestyle.”

At the White House, President Obama made only a glancing reference to the results in South Carolina, telling reporters, “I haven’t been this happy since we smoked bin Laden.”

For his part, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney minimized Mr. Gingrich’s 12% margin of victory: “That’s even less than I pay in taxes.”

perry lost IA, lost NH,
may as well forget 3rd...

(Reuters) - Texas Governor Rick Perry is dropping out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination, and is likely to endorse Newt Gingrich, two Perry campaign sources said on Thursday. [more]

CHARLESTON, S.C. (AP) — Texas Gov. Rick Perry will abandon his presidential bid and endorse Newt Gingrich, two Republican officials said Thursday, a move coming just two days before the pivotal South Carolina primary as Republican front-runner Mitt Romney struggles to fend off a challenge from the former House speaker. [more]

(npr) Texas Gov. Rick Perry is going to drop out of the Republican race for the White House, sources are telling The New York Times and CNN. [more]

The Colbert Report

Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

best quote re gop debates

"it's like a reality show,

except the losers stay on"*

* don't ask me who said it. i didn't catch any of their names....

rwnj

wow! was that fast!

(watching dominoes fall)

ms conception

blankshooter

unable

gargantuarich

plasticman

who's next?

superdoc?

sandman?

nochanceman?

rwnj

did you ever google the word santorum?