my interview of the ruler of the cosmos

first of all, you may be wondering why foa came to me, of all people.

['foa' is short for 'friend of all.' i could've called her/him/it 'rotc' ('ruler of the cosmos'), but that might get confusing, or 'motu' ('master of the universe') or combined the two into 'motc,' which i suppose would be pronounced like the hebrew for 'bread') but foa doesn't like to be thought of as a master—let alone 'god'—and 'friend of everything' would get even more confusing than 'rotc,' so 'foa' it is.]

i mean, i'm not religious at all. in fact, i'm not even a believer, in the usual sense of the word, tho of course i have beliefs.

well, the answer seems to be foa works in mysterious ways. i know that seems like a cop-out, but i have no other explanation. as to the choice of when to come to me, well, that's a bit of a mystery too, but foa gave me a partial reason, namely that i was about to think of asking. s/he had just turned the divine awareness toward humanity and immediately knew i was on the verge of that thought, so s/he didn't wait till i actually formulated the request, especially since i—as a nonbeliever—might never quite get around to it. there was more than that, but it's in the transcript of the interview. [i'm not sure i'm using the right word when i say 'interview.' foa has an inerrant tendency to anticipate questions, so basically all i did was take down answers. it wasn't the same as dictation, tho. the whole time, i felt like s/he was answering the questions i would have asked if s/he'd given me a chance. i have to admit it was more efficient that way.]

one more thing. i'm sure many of you must be wondering what foa looks like. i can only say the appearance kept changing. sometimes foa looked human, sometimes like some other animal, sometimes a plant or a mountain or a lightning bolt or a pillar of smoke. never anything artificial, tho. also, the human form was male sometimes, female at others, and occasionally somewhere in between. its race varied and was often indeterminate. and once in a while it had multiple heads or multiple arms or extra eyes. all those may be true forms, or none of them, or some. i'm inclined to think i never saw the true form, only illusions.

here's what i took down [rush transcript, unedited]:

FOA: MAN—. sorry, man. is this better? ok.

soon you will wonder why i never before directly gave humanity the message i'm about to deliver. so let me preface my remarks by reminding you that i'm pretty busy and have a lot on the mind. sure, i could do it all at once, but that has problems. look what happened when i destroyed the world. afterwards you became even more violent than before. my rainbow is not merely a token of my promise not to flood the whole earth again. it's a reminder to me. every time i see it, i recall that i need to give full attention to whatever i'm working on at the moment.

the reason i haven't spoken to humanity for so long—by your perception of time—is that i've been talking to ants. like you, they fight too many wars. every ant is as precious to me as any other of my creatures. i hate to see them kill each other, and i've told them so. but they don't listen.

now, you think ants have no free will and are entirely driven by instinct. it's true instinct is a major factor. it limits liberty, but it has limits too. if an ant comes upon two pieces of food of approximately equal size and attractiveness, instinct makes it want both, but it can carry only one, so it must choose. thus, free will, conditioned by necessity. it's a paradox, of course, but how could freedom be free of paradox? and it only makes sense. a normal, healthy creature first does what it must. only when necessity ends does freedom begin. any particular choice is either required by circumstances or not. when it's not, creatures have no choice but to choose freely. there i go again.

invoking me on money and in oaths is not necessary. you're free to do it, of course, but those of you who think it flatters me are wrong, for i know your motive to be fear. i show you no preference on its account. your nation's advantages come from chance and history, not my intervention nor my blessing. only be glad i forbear from holding you to a higher standard because of it, for you would not meet it.

war is sometimes necessary or, at least, unavoidable. more often, it can be avoided, but, too frequently, avoidable wars take place.

why don't i wave my wand, as it were, and stop it? my will, after all, is absolute and inviolable. whatever happens, you can be sure it doesn't oppose my will. you wish i would prevent evil. why don't i?

these are complex questions. i don't blame you for feeling puzzled or confused. the simple answer is that i have chosen to let events happen without my interference. that's my will. i have no desires. but i do care.

when i see you acting destructively, it brings tears to my eyes—figuratively speaking, of course. you think i enjoy watching you suffer? it rips my heart and claws at my conscience.

but i am determined to leave the choice to you. that's why the cosmos is governed by randomness and chance. that's why big bangs happen and stars explode and planets form and life evolves and flowers grow and giant hailstones crash thru roofs. it's why birth defects exist and why 99% of all animal species have gone extinct. and it's why leaders of tribes and nations, wanting to do right but fearing they will make mistakes that turn their supporters away, cravenly choose war when they could have chosen peace.

i could go on forever, but i'll give it to you in a nutshell. your planet has problems only you humans can solve. you have finite time and strength. you will run out of both if you keep distracting yourselves with violent conflict. the choice is yours. you can make war or make peace. end war or endless war. period.

and then i was alone, wondering if i'd imagined it all.